Dear Annie: My friend was VERY upset, and rightfully so, because her best friend committed suicide. But my friend was very angry with me and accused me of being a bad friend when I asked her not to call me every day and expect me to drop everything I was doing to listen. I did listen the first week after it happened and every night when she called me. Anything I suggested to help her with the grieving process was judged as “I didn’t care” and therefore, I was not a good friend.

She also did this to her other friend. She wanted to talk about death and suicide every day to us, and her other friend has terminal cancer. I told her to seek some counseling, that I’m not a psychiatrist and am dealing with some health issues myself and can’t deal with more stress. — Struggling to Shoulder the Load

Dear Struggling: While your delivery could have been gentler, you did the right thing setting a boundary for yourself and your personal peace. If anything, your friend’s behavior shows just how much she’s hurting.

Being there for her doesn’t mean having to bear the brunt of her pain. Continue to support her in whatever way is possible for you and keep encouraging her to seek professional help. Once the initial shock of what happened subsides, I hope she will heed your advice, taking steps to properly grieve her late friend’s death and heal from this tragedy.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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