Dear Annie: I often read letters in your column from people — usually parents, often mothers — who say they’ve been cut off by their adult children, sometimes over something that seems minor, like a forwarded Facebook post. As a 70-year-old who’s seen this dynamic play out many times, I can’t help but wonder: Are we always getting the full story?

In my experience, estrangement is rarely as one-sided as it’s portrayed. While sometimes the cutoff is truly unfair, more often it’s the result of years of hurt, boundary violations or unresolved conflict that the letter writer may not acknowledge. I’ve known people who see themselves as victims, when in truth they’ve caused a great deal of pain to others.

My question is: How do you, as an advice columnist, weigh the likelihood that there’s more to the story than what’s being shared? And do you ever feel it’s important to remind letter writers — and readers — that repair might require a deeper look at their own role in the estrangement? — Wondering About the Other Side

Dear Wondering About the Other Side: You raise a wise and necessary point.

I agree — there are always two sides to every story, and in my experience, the truth usually lives somewhere in the middle. Estrangement is rarely about a single Facebook post or one hurtful comment; more often, it’s the last straw in a pile of long-unspoken hurts, unresolved tensions or repeated boundary violations.

When I respond to letters, I do so with the understanding that I’m hearing one person’s version of events. Sometimes it’s clear they’re omitting a lot. Other times, they may be genuinely unaware of how their words or actions have affected others.

That’s why I often urge letter writers to look inward, reflect honestly and consider seeking professional guidance to better understand what went wrong — really wrong. Healing doesn’t come from rewriting the past to feel better. It starts with owning your part in it.

Thanks for the thoughtful reminder that accountability is just as important as empathy in these situations.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].