Dear Annie: I just read the letter from the mother of two sons who felt like she was not included the way her daughter-in-law’s mom was. I used to be in the exact same boat. I realized that I had to make my own place in my son’s family’s lives, so here’s what I did.

I would text and ask if the kids can come out and play on either this date or that date. Or I would say, “Hey, can we stop by sometime this week? I bought some apples and thought the kids might enjoy them.” I always gave a couple time or date options and then waited for my daughter-in-law to pick and respond.

At first, it was kind of a slow process, but after a few times, she not only responded quicker but also made some suggestions for other things. It showed we wanted to be more involved and not an afterthought. I hope this helps. — Loving Being Involved

Dear Love Being Involved: This is a great example of how taking initiative and refraining from taking things personally can change an entire family dynamic. Thank you for sharing.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].