Dear Annie: After extreme abuse, I hate being touched or hugged. How do I make that clear?

Dear Annie: I am a survivor of some rather extreme physical and sexual abuse. Most people do not know this about me because it’s obviously not the kind of thing you tell many people. My issue is this: I don’t like to be touched and especially do not like to be hugged. It’s different if it’s my kids or my husband, but I really don’t like other people hugging me. I’ve had to just sort of deal with it so people don’t think I’m rude, cold or just don’t like them.

What’s the best way to navigate unwanted touching? I’ve considered a hazmat suit… Any advice would be helpful! — Hates Hugs

Dear Hates Hugs: Firmly and confidently communicate your boundaries. It shouldn’t matter why you don’t want to be touched: If you say no, the answer is no. A wave or quick handshake, if you’re open to it, should certainly suffice as a way to greet someone or leave a social setting.

At the end of the day, your true friends will respect your wishes and your space, no questions asked.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].