Dear Annie: A family member keeps telling my two-year-old he’s mean

Dear Annie: I have a son who’s going to be 3 in August. He’s been going through the “Terrible Twos,” and as you can imagine, it’s been terrible. His thing right now is that he will throw a fit, and then when he’s done, he will wrap his arms around me and say, “I love you, Mommy!”

Well, my husband’s aunt has rolled around after her partner died suddenly and left her with nothing. She is pretty rude sometimes, in my opinion. She regularly tells my son that he’s mean or he’s bad. She never really praises him when he’s good. I’m not a fan of telling him he’s mean or bad all the time. It does nothing to help his behavior; he’s only 2, and he’s got those big feelings he can’t express yet.

Besides, when he understands that she’s telling him he is mean or bad, he will start acting that way more. I lost it the other day. She told him again he’s mean and I said, “He’s 2!” And she said, “That’s no excuse! He is just flat-out mean!” I took my son upstairs to get away from her since he is “flat-out mean.”

This woman, I should add, did not stick around for her kids. She blames other people for her reasons for leaving and has absolutely nothing good to say about them. She also tells me all the time he only throws tantrums because I’m here. I’m also not trying to excuse his behavior; she just needs to quit talking to him that way because it does nothing but makes things worse. What can I do? — Mama Bear

Dear Mama Bear: You can establish boundaries for yourself and your son. That boundary is with your aunt. The boundary is as follows: If she insults your son again or criticizes your parenting or him in any way, she is not allowed to see him. Period. She has no right to place her own adult judgments on a 2-year-old child. Her words, “He is just mean,” sound a lot like what she is being to you and him. Until she stops projecting her own negative feelings about herself onto you and your son, she is not allowed to be around you. That is toxic behavior and cannot be tolerated.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].