DEAR ABBY: I discovered last year that my wife was exchanging flirty texts with a local man and had been doing so for years. I found out when I uncovered an image of an adult toy in her phone’s deleted images. At the time, I nearly divorced her, but although our marriage went through a tumultuous period, we are still together.

She told me then she’d stop communicating with this man, but a few months ago, she reached out to him for help with a social media account issue she had, and now they chat daily on social media. Although it seems platonic now, it bothers me and has been a source of contention in our marriage. She says she has problems finding female friends, that he understands her medical issues and he’s her friend, and they are back to messaging regularly. I can see what’s being said, but it still gets me upset.

Am I an ogre for asking her to stop? She says that she has changed her mind and will continue to contact him. I feel like our marriage may be on rocky ground again, but she thinks I am being awful for saying anything. What are your thoughts? — UPSET HUBBY IN ALABAMA

DEAR UPSET HUBBY: I am sorry you feel so insecure, which must be painful. You didn’t mention in what context your wife had a deleted image of a sex toy. Many people shop for them online and couples enjoy them together. During the COVID-19 pandemic, sales of adult toys went through the roof.

You say that you read all of the communications between your wife and her male (platonic) friend. Why isn’t that enough? Women are allowed to have male friends, and these days, many of them do. If your marriage is in trouble, perhaps the cause is your ongoing effort to control her. It might improve if you back off.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.