DEAR ABBY: I’m not exaggerating when I say my son and his wife are slobs. Their house is filthy, the outside is neglected and their cars are disgusting. They are both working professionals, and I understand that, but my husband and I are working professionals too, and we always cared for our home. That is the life my kids were used to.

It’s difficult to spend time in their home. We no longer stay overnight because the perpetual chaos and dirtiness is stressful. My daughter struggles to be in their home for the same reasons. I am hoping for suggestions to help us maintain a good relationship but also to guide them gently. It’s not a healthy environment for their two children, either. — APPALLED MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR MOM: Your son and daughter-in-law are busy, and their priorities are different from yours. If their home is as bad as you say, my concern is for the children who are growing up to think this is normal.

If they are earning good money at their jobs, perhaps they could afford hiring someone to do the cleaning and yard work they don’t have time for. You might gently suggest it, or offer to treat them once in a while. However, if they aren’t receptive, back off.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.