DEAR ABBY: One of my family members is a loner. I’m the closest relative to them. They invite my children and me over for holiday dinners, but the house is dirty with roaches galore. The bugs even crawl on you during the day on the couch. I don’t want to go there for this reason.

I’m also cautious about inviting them to visit here because I once asked them to housesit for me for four days, and I came home to roaches in my house. How do I break it to them gently that the sanitary conditions are troubling, and I don’t want to be in their home nor have them in mine? — BUGGED IN THE MID-ATLANTIC

DEAR BUGGED: You need to inform this relative that they have a serious insect problem. Roaches carry bacteria, funguses and molds, and also spread disease. Fortunately, with the help of a professional exterminator, an infestation can be handled — but not unless the problem is recognized and addressed.

If your relative is unaware that they caused an infestation in your home when they were housesitting, they should be told. And while you’re at it, recommend the name of the company you used to remedy the problem. You don’t have to say you don’t want to visit them or have them over, all you need to do is refuse their invitations and refrain from extending one.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.