DEAR ABBY: My daughter married her second husband in 2004. Because I was having cancer treatments with all the side effects, I didn’t go to her wedding. Fast-forward to 2011. My granddaughter (her daughter) got married two weeks after I had another cancer surgery. I missed that milestone, too, and both of them hold this against me! My daughter told me she would crawl on her belly to go to HER daughter’s or granddaughter’s wedding.

I have never met my great-granddaughter or my granddaughter’s husband, and she hasn’t spoken to me in almost 10 years. I don’t understand why. Am I wrong to think they are unreasonable, or should I have dragged myself to the weddings anyway? They have never asked how I am doing healthwise, despite the fact I had heart surgery for a double aortic aneurysm and aortic valve replacement two years ago.

My daughter recently told me she has tried very hard to have a relationship with me. I blurted out, “When?” Abby, what’s your take? — KICKED WHEN DOWN IN TEXAS

DEAR KICKED: My take is that your daughter does not/did not understand how debilitating some cancer treatments can be and resents your not attending her wedding. If I had to guess, her resentment has had a lot to do with your granddaughter’s attitude toward you.

I suspect there were problems between you and your daughter that preceded her marriage and contributed to the rift. Because you can’t change the past, my advice is to concentrate on building emotionally satisfying relationships with others, because neither of these individuals seems inclined to cut you any slack.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.