DEAR ABBY: I’m a lesbian. My wife and I have been married for nine years, but since COVID and my mother’s death, we have had problems. I met a man online; he’s an actor. We grew close via the internet. When my wife found out, we fought, and this man and I haven’t been as close.

Although we mended our relationship and I love her, I seem to always wonder. About a year ago, I got hit on by another actor on Instagram, and we also grew close until my wife found out. I stopped, but I still maintain contact with these men, and I’m not sure why.

I wonder if I’m happy with my wife or if it would be better with someone else. I wonder if I’m staying with her for love or for comfort. I’m not sure. I keep questioning my identity and my life. Any advice? — LACKING CERTAINTY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LACKING CERTAINTY: If you were getting everything you need from your marriage, you wouldn’t be “wondering” and reaching out to members of the opposite sex. It is important for you AND your wife that you find the answers to your very important questions.

Because you are unsure about the depth of your commitment to your wife as well as your identity, your next step should be to discuss this with a licensed mental health professional. Your doctor or health insurance company can refer you to someone who is qualified. Your local LGBTQ community center may also be able to help. Please don’t wait.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.