DEAR ABBY: I have been married to the same woman for 35 years. She has been an alcoholic for the last 20. She has done four stints in rehab facilities. She comes out healthy for a while, then starts drinking again. She hasn’t yet realized that she can’t drink one glass of wine and stop there. It seems to get worse each time. We work together, and I have had to take all her hours away because she’s not reliable. I’m holding on to our job and taking care of my aging parents.

I went to my first Al-Anon meeting. It was OK, but only a few of the people in the room were male. Throwing a man out is a lot easier than throwing a woman out. I think about leaving her all the time, but there are risks to my house, our dog and even the general public if I leave her alone. Is there any solution for someone like me? — AT WITS’ END IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AT WITS’ END: Talk to a family law attorney and ask what your options are. You cannot save your wife from herself or her addiction. When she picks up that glass, she has already made a choice, and it is NOT your marriage or your partnership. She will not become responsible for herself unless she is forced to be. By staying with her, you are enabling her. I apologize if this seems harsh, but it is the truth.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.