DEAR ABBY: I am 49 and have been divorced for 20 years. When we first separated, my ex moved in with my parents while I struggled to raise my four kids. He stayed there for seven years. He moved out until a year and a half ago. Again, my parents have allowed him back in!

While I understand that they shouldn’t have had to cease contact because of the divorce, I don’t feel it’s right for him to be living there. This has caused an ongoing rift between my family and me because I have let them know that it hurts me.

My parents pretty much told me my feelings don’t matter. I was homeless living in my car for a few weeks while it was bitter cold and snowing. But I’m not supposed to be upset that he’s nice and warm, eating prepared meals, showering and using their vehicles for next to nothing? He has had a full-time job for 10 years.

I feel my parents are disrespectful, hurtful and rude toward me. What are your thoughts about what I should do or how to handle this? — PERTURBED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PERTURBED: My thought is that when you and your ex-husband divorced, your parents sided with him, and you have every right to your feelings. Being told that your feelings do not matter had to have been devastating.

The way to handle this would be to stay as far from your parents as possible and figure out how to have a rewarding life on your own. Take that path — and spend as little time as possible looking backward because you really have no other choice. Success would be the best revenge.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.