DEAR ABBY: When I was in middle school, my mother made many poor decisions that culminated in her incarceration and a rather unpleasant boyfriend. Now that I have kids of my own, I feel I have more perspective on my mother’s choices — and it’s not a flattering picture.

After she was released, she still didn’t show up for any significant milestones in my or my siblings’ lives. Hearing about the poor decisions she continues to make gets me so upset that a phone call leaves me reeling for a couple days, if not weeks. I have reached the point where I can no longer maintain a relationship with her, so I have gone radio silent.

She has been reaching out for months, apologizing to me and begging for contact. When I get those messages, my heart drops. I know how painful it is when someone walks away, especially a family member. But I can’t listen to her anymore. How can I express this to her? I want to handle this with grace, but I just want to cry. — SILENT DAUGHTER IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DAUGHTER: The “graceful” (and kinder) way to deal with your mother would be to end the radio silence and tell her the truth. Explain that she has missed all the significant milestones in your life, and you are unable to deal with the mess she has made of hers. This is why you prefer she no longer call or try to make contact. You can’t fix her, and she can’t change the past. Your mental health is important, and it is all right to move on.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.