DEAR ABBY: My son and his fiancée are getting married next month. They’re calling it an elopement, but although they have been telling everyone when and where the wedding is, they are not formally inviting anyone. I have come to terms with that. I realize the day is about them, not me. However, this is my only child, and I have always dreamed about being part of this milestone in his life.

I’m sure this is his fiancée’s choice and he is just going along with what she wants, but it is hurting me terribly to not be there. They have also decided a reception in their honor will be held six months afterward. Who does this? Is this proper etiquette? — BROKEN-HEARTED MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: The rigid rules of etiquette have loosened considerably in recent years. Many younger people prefer the casual over the formal. Please don’t lay the sole blame on your soon-to-be daughter-in-law without first discussing this with your son, because you may be shocked to learn this nontraditional wedding is happening with his enthusiastic blessing. If that’s the case, quietly let go of your “dream.”

As to not being with your son on this special day, if you haven’t received a formal invitation, SHOW UP WITH A SMILE ANYWAY and offer your services as a witness. Those who attend the wedding should be invited to the reception, and if they attend the reception, they should come with a gift in hand.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.