DEAR ABBY: Three months ago, my husband of 30 years came home from work, told me he wasn’t happy anymore and said he wanted a divorce. He announced he was moving in with his brother until he could find a place. Six days later, I found out he’d moved in with a woman he’d been seeing for a few months.

I am devastated. He flaunts his new heifer all around town, forcing her on our granddaughters and rubbing her in my face. My divorce has been filed on the grounds of adultery. I can’t believe he dragged my adult children into the middle of this and made them lie to me.

I have been trying to let go, but how do you let go of someone who gave you so much to remember? I’m still very much in love with him. After such a long marriage, must I just let it end like this? — DUMBFOUNDED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: I suppose you could talk to your lawyer and try to drag out the divorce, hoping your husband will “come to his senses.” But at some point, you will have to admit to yourself that the man you married isn’t the person you thought he was.

You have every right to feel pain and anger, but your time and money would be better spent in the office of a licensed mental health professional. That your adult children went along with keeping you in the dark is shameful. It will take time to work through this, and the sooner you start, the better.

Read more Dear Abby and other advice columns.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.