DEAR ABBY: I am being asked to donate to my grandchildren’s fundraisers for school activities like band, cheerleading, etc. This is happening via email requests from a third-party site using their name.

My issue is, I believe my grandchildren should ask me personally, or at least warn me they’re raising money for their activity, and I’ll be receiving an email. Am I wrong to want a personal request? — GROUCHY GRAN IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR GRAN: You are not wrong. However, this may be an instance of technology running amok. When you receive a solicitation like this, pick up the phone, tell your grandchildren it showed up and confirm it’s legitimate. Make the conversation a friendly one and ask what’s going on with them, and if you feel like contributing, say so. At the end of the conversation, remind them that you would love to hear about the activity before receiving an automated request for money.

DEAR ABBY: My son is demanding that I tell his father and brother to call him to apologize for past behaviors and attitudes that hurt him. He says if I don’t, he will no longer come home for any visits. He lives in the East; we are in the Midwest. I have traveled alone to visit him, but it’s getting harder as my car, and I, age.

His father had alcohol issues as well as mental health issues and was abusive but has been sober for several years now. I have been in Al-Anon for more than 25 years and still attend meetings. I don’t know how to respond to my son’s demands. What’s your advice? — MEDIATING MOM IN IOWA

DEAR MOM: I don’t blame your son for avoiding people who cause him pain. Tell him that an apology that is coerced is no apology at all. Part of addiction recovery is the requirement to make amends to those the addict has wronged or hurt. Your husband has not done that, nor has your son’s brother. Continue to visit your son as long as you can, but do not allow him to involve you in this, because it won’t work.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.