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Dear Annie: The woman I’m talking to is scared to commit to me

Dear Annie: I met a woman, “Alice,” on a dating site.

We have been emailing each other for 27 months. We have never met; she lives in Seattle, and I live outside of Atlanta. We are both 70 years old.

I don’t quite understand our relationship. We seem to get along really well, and she has my phone number but won’t give me hers. I’ve asked for it a couple of times, but she asked me not to pressure her.

She told me she had a horrible divorce. I don’t know if she is scared to commit. I really don’t push it. I really enjoy her, and to be honest there have been times where I think I should break it off, but I like her so much I go back to her.

I have thought of asking her if I can fly out there to meet, but I am a little nervous about asking. I think I should just see how the relationship goes (she tells me she’s going to retire) and let the chips fall where they may. I really don’t want to lose her.

You’re probably going to tell me to let her go, but to be honest, it’s really hard to find someone I like when I meet them off a dating site. No one can compare to her. I just wish I knew what to do. — Stuck

Dear Stuck: After 27 months without meeting in person, I don’t blame you for wondering what to do.

Her hesitation to share her phone number might be an indication that she isn’t ready for a relationship. The only way to know for sure is to ask her to meet up in person.

You deserve a relationship that is real and reciprocated.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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Asking Eric: Daughter-in-law offended by every helping hand

Dear Eric: One of my daughters-in-law has always been easy to offend. It runs in her family, with people being shunned for years. I’ve tried to be loving and caring, but I always come up short.

Eighteen months ago, she had a medical emergency, and our son asked us to come. While at their home, my daughter-in-law started talking about their finances and asking my opinion about what they should do. I suggested that perhaps they should start planning for the future instead of living in the moment. All seemed fine for a bit. Then came the anger, hurt and all that goes with it.

I realized later that she wanted me to offer to help them out financially. We are retired and we make almost a third of what they bring in.

She stopped speaking to us and we left. She cut off all contact with us just after sending me a really hateful email.

She also told one of our adult grandchildren I had said things about that grandchild that were not true.

Now, our son is making overtures on behalf of his wife to just forgive and forget. I have actually enjoyed not having to guard every word I say and all the drama that goes with that. I don’t believe I can trust her any more than I did before. I just don’t know if I can forgive and forget. I hate that, but it’s true. Any advice?

– No Offense Intended

Dear No Offense: I see red flags all over the place here. So many flags it looks like the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games. It’s unconscionable that she lied to her child about you; it’s awful that she cut off contact after you declined to give her money; it’s concerning that she’s so quick to take offense. Legitimate offense is one thing, but the way she deploys it seems more manipulative. You’re right to not want to be involved in the manipulation.

Your son wants you to forgive and forget but has she actually asked for forgiveness? Or reached out to you at all? I’m not saying one can’t forgive without an apology, but she crossed multiple lines, and she needs to own up to that.

I’m a fan of “forgive and remember” sometimes. She has a pattern of behavior that makes it hard to trust her again without change. Ideally, you’d be able to have a conversation with her in which you told her how her actions affected you and she made amends. If she won’t do that, it’s wise to keep a polite distance.

Read more Asking Eric and other advice columns.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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Asking Eric: Wedding separates former friends

Dear Eric: I have a friend I haven’t spoken to since her small wedding two years ago. I thought we were pretty close friends for 25 years. We shared our ups and downs.

Before her wedding, she told me that it was going to be a small ceremony with only about 30 friends and family. It would be at a restaurant. They planned on paying for everyone and 30 was their limit. I was shocked and hurt when she told me there was no room for me. I always thought we were close.

I offered to pay for my own dinner, but she declined my offer and me. She later texted me pictures of her ceremony as if to include me in this pathetic way. I didn’t respond to the pictures, and we haven’t spoken since.

I always thought she would reach out to me, but she never did. In the end I feel like she has shown me that she really doesn’t care about our friendship and doesn’t care that I was hurt. Am I wrong or is she wrong?

– Off the Guest List

Dear Guest List: There’s a saying that goes “there’s three sides to every story: your side, my side and the truth. And no one is lying.”

It seems clear that you have different understandings of the depth of your friendship and the ways that you can show the other how valued they are. She could see your friendship as less close than you do, or she could think that by texting you she was actually including you. And that’s her truth.

Your truth is just as valid, though. You were hurt and part of being in a friendship is listening when a friend says that we’ve hurt them and then making it right.

To get closure, I suggest reaching out to clear the air. You wanted her to reach out in response to your hurt, but did you actually tell her you were hurt? Is it possible she’s hurt that you didn’t respond to the pictures? I’m not sure that either of you is in the wrong here. However, a conversation is the only way that you can get to a shared truth and, hopefully, reconciliation.

Read more Asking Eric and other advice columns.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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Noah Moss powers St. Michael past Handley for school’s 1st playoff win

The first home playoff game in St. Michael Catholic history turned out to be perhaps the best performance ever for the Cardinals.

No. 5 St. Michael set a record for points in a game in a 63-40 win over Handley in the first round of the Class 4A state playoffs. The score was similar to last year’s playoff matchup between the two teams, which was won by Handley, 68-38.

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NFL Thursday night: Baltimore beats Bengals in shootout

The Baltimore Ravens stopped a 2-point conversion pass with 38 seconds to play to hang on to a 35-34 victory over the Cincinnati Bengals on Thursday night.

Baltimore turned a 21-7 deficit into a 28-21 lead in the second half. But Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow threw a 70-yard touchdown pass to Ja’Marr Chase to tie the score with 5:37 to play.

The Ravens answered with their fourth consecutive touchdown drive, capped by a 5-yard TD pass from quarterback Lamar Jackson to wide receiver Rashod Bateman with 1:49 remaining.

That left plenty of time for Cincinnati to get off nine snaps and move 70 yards for a 5-yard touchdown pass from Burrow to Chase. But Baltimore stopped the 2-point conversion attempt and recovered an onside kick to finish the victory.

Jackson completed 25-of-33 passes for 290 yards with four touchdown and no interceptions. He had an 84-yard touchdown pass to wide receiver Tylan Wallace, who entered the game with two receptions for 34 yards this season.

Burrow completed 34-of-56 passes for 428 yards with four touchdowns and no interceptions. The first of his three touchdown passes to Chase covered 67 yards. The Bengals wide receiver had 11 receptions for 264 yards against Baltimore.

The Ravens’ second-half comeback started with running back Derrick Henry’s 1-yard touchdown run that cut Cincinnati’s lead to 21-14 with 4:12 left in the third quarter.

The former Alabama All-American became the fifth player in the NFL’s Super Bowl era to score a touchdown in each of his first 10 games of a season. He followed O.J. Simpson in the Buffalo Bills’ first 14 games in 1975, John Riggins in the Washington Redskins’ first 12 games of 1983, Jerry Rice in the San Francisco 49ers’ first 12 games in 1987 and Todd Gurley in the Los Angeles Rams’ first 10 games in 2018.

The touchdown also made Henry the third player in NFL history with 12 rushing TDs in at least six seasons, joining LaDainian Tomlinson, who had seven seasons with at least 12 rushing touchdowns, and Emmitt Smith, who had six.

The NFL’s leading rusher, Henry had 68 yards on 16 rushing attempts and a 3-yard reception against the Bengals.

In addition to Henry, six players from Alabama high schools and colleges got on the field during the Cincinnati-Baltimore game:

  • Ravens cornerback Jalyn Armour-Davis (St. Paul’s Episcopal, Alabama) was designated as a game-day inactive. A knee injury kept Armour-Davis off the field.
  • Bengals safety Jordan Battle (Alabama) made seven tackles in his most extensive defensive action of the season.
  • Jermaine Burton (Alabama) started for the Bengals. Burton had one reception for 11 yards.
  • Ravens wide receiver Malik Cunningham (Park Crossing) is on the practice squad and not eligible to play.
  • Ravens guard Darrian Dalcourt (Alabama) is on the practice squad and not eligible to play.
  • Marlon Humphrey (Hoover, Alabama) started at cornerback for the Ravens. Humphrey made five tackles, registered one quarterback hit, broke up one pass and forced one fumble. Baltimore recovered the fumble at Cincinnati’s 31-yard line to set up Henry’s touchdown.
  • Ravens safety Eddie Jackson (Alabama) did not record any stats.
  • Bengals defensive tackle Cedric Johnson (Davidson) was designated as a game-day inactive.
  • Bengals guard Tashawn Manning (Auburn) is on the practice squad and not eligible to play.
  • Bengals kicker Evan McPherson (Fort Payne) made his four extra-point attempts.
  • Ravens defensive tackle Michael Pierce (Daphne, Samford) is on injured reserve and not eligible to play.
  • Bengals defensive tackle Justin Rogers (Auburn) is on the practice squad and not eligible to play.
  • Cam Taylor-Britt (Park Crossing) started at cornerback for the Bengals. Taylor-Britt made four tackles, recorded one tackle for loss and broke up two passes. Taylor-Britt nearly intercepted Baltimore quarterback Lamar Jackson withy 5:27 left to play. Video review overturned the call on the field. The Ravens retained possession and drove for a tie-breaking touchdown.

Baltimore (7-3) stays in the AFC North for its next game when the Ravens play the Pittsburgh Steelers at noon CST Nov. 17 at Acrisure Stadium in Pittsburgh.

Cincinnati (4-6) stays in prime time when the Bengals play the Los Angeles Chargers at 7:20 p.m. Nov. 17 at SoFi Stadium in Inglewood, California.

FOR MORE OF AL.COM’S COVERAGE OF THE NFL, GO TO OUR NFL PAGE

Mark Inabinett is a sports reporter for Alabama Media Group. Follow him on Twitter at @AMarkG1.

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Today’s daily horoscopes: Nov. 8, 2024

If the prevailing squares have something to teach, it’s that arrogance is just fear wearing a clever disguise. While it’s typical to feel offended or disrespected by a high-handed approach, to see through the bluff provides more opportunity. This behavior is an opening to shake things up and see what comes tumbling down.

ARIES (March 21-April 19). You’re hesitant to request what you need because the words will highlight its absence. You can avoid asking by pretending your heart’s desire is already yours. It works even better than asking today, as you somehow attract the solutions by embodying them.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Instead of trying to get more accomplished by pushing yourself harder, think about how you can support yourself better. Compassion starts with the tenderness you afford yourself in your own schedule.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Learning is challenging, but unlearning old habits is even harder. This is why you’re very careful about what to add to your life, and even more careful when it comes to what to repeat. If you wouldn’t want it every day, don’t have it today.

CANCER (June 22-July 22). Today stirs a memory buried deep within you. There’s an invisible thread between the present and the past, and the connections will pull you in ways both subtle and strong.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). There’s a time for high standards and a time to throw out the requirements completely because compassion will get you further. You don’t have to be perfect to be excellent. Be as generous to yourself as you are to others.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Enjoying someone’s company doesn’t always mean it’s easy to be around them. You’re willing to be a little uncomfortable at times — or to extend yourself for another person’s comfort, for the sake of relationship building.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Nepotism can give a unit ease in communication, as family members tend to have shortcuts of language and expression to give one another immediate understanding of the situation. Familiarity can also breed contempt — oh, the complicated glory of family.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You’re in flow. Everything is working out just as it should, without you even having to try. It’s not luck; it’s your sharp instincts guiding you to the path of least resistance. Like water, you find the easiest way forward.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The day has a catchy rhythm: fun, interesting, tedious, boring, then suddenly fun again… almost like the universe playing hopscotch with your energy. Each stage sets up the last for maximum contrast — vivid living!

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You’ll see an opportunity where others only see a snag. You’ll see a glitch in the matrix when others are scrolling their phones. You’ll see a groove in their discarded puzzle piece — and it clicks right into the big picture.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Finding common ground in relationships will be strangely difficult today, but don’t sweat it. You don’t have to be alike to like one another. You’ll learn most from those who have led lives different from your own but who share a similar tone.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Today feels like riding a unicycle. Sometimes you lean, sometimes you wobble, but as long as you’re moving forward, you’re still going places. You have an innate sense of balance that kicks in to keep you from falling.

TODAY’S BIRTHDAY (Nov. 8). Prioritize your needs, feed your whims and be creative whenever possible. Everything else blossoms from your beautiful core connection with spirit and self. More highlights: You’ll reconfigure finances to excellent effect. A long-term pursuit takes you to places beyond your wildest imagination. You’ll turn 10 strangers into people who play a special and distinct role in your life. Aries and Leo adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 8, 10, 20, 5 and 41.

Holiday Mathis’ debut novel, “How To Fail Epically in Hollywood,” is out now! This fast-paced romp about achieving Hollywood stardom is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit creatorspublishing.com for more information. Write Holiday Mathis at HolidayMathis.com.

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Texas commit KJ Lacey, top-ranked Saraland rolls past Chelsea

KJ Lacey completed 12 of 24 passes for 291 yards and four touchdowns, including an 80-yard bomb to C.D. Gill on the first play, and No. 1-ranked Saraland went on to thrash Chelsea 42-3 Thursday night in the first round of the Class 6A playoffs at Spartan Stadium.

The overwhelming victory also provided the Spartans (10-0) a couple of noteworthy achievements at the state level: It was their 31st straight home victory, the longest streak in Alabama, and it made them the only team in the state to win at least 10 games in each of the last seven seasons. Mars Hill can also do it if they beat Midfield in the first round Friday night.

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Class 7A No. 2 Hoover powers to 35-10 Round 1 win over Fairhope

Hoover’s offense was effective all night while the defense pitched a second-half shutout as the Bucs took down Fairhope 35-10 in Thursday’s first round playoff action at the Hoover Met.

Class 7A second-ranked Hoover (9-2) improved to 108-26 in the playoffs and advanced beyond the first round for the 25th consecutive season.

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