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Dear Annie: I’m losing my son to his controlling new wife

Dear Annie: We used to have an excellent relationship with our son, and he has a daughter who is now 19 years old. Seven years ago, he met a divorced woman whom we initially liked, but over time, things changed drastically.

Since this new relationship began, our son’s bond with his daughter has deteriorated to the point where they hardly see each other anymore, simply because, according to them, they’re always “too busy.”

While we’ve managed to maintain a wonderful relationship with our granddaughter, things with our son have become strained, largely due to his new wife, who has become very controlling. She clearly dislikes us, and as a result, our relationship with him has virtually collapsed.

Recently, our son had a breakdown, and we’re not allowed to see him at all. This has deeply hurt us, and his daughter is heartbroken as well. It’s painful to watch her suffer, knowing she’s lost her connection with her father, and we’re unsure how to help.

How can we possibly repair this broken relationship with our son when his wife seems determined to keep us at a distance? Is there any way we can support him through this difficult time without alienating him further or creating more tension? We are desperate for advice on how to rebuild our family ties before it’s too late. — Heartbroken Parents

Dear Heartbroken Parents: This is an incredibly difficult situation for everyone involved. The hard truth is that the only person who can truly help your son is your son himself; he has to want the help and be ready to accept it.

In the meantime, continue reaching out to your daughter-in-law from a place of pure love and concern for your son’s well-being, and for the sake of your granddaughter.

While it’s understandable to feel that she is controlling (which I don’t doubt she may be), placing blame on her won’t help your son or granddaughter in the present moment.

What can help is showing unconditional love and support for your son, while practicing non-judgmental acceptance toward your daughter-in-law. This approach may give your son the emotional space he needs to heal and, ultimately, reconnect with his family.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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Dear Annie: I’m desperate to move but my husband and son won’t budge

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 45 years, and at 72 and 67, we are both struggling with health issues. Our 43-year-old son still lives with us and works a low-income job. We’re retired, of course, and unfortunately, our two-story home has become increasingly difficult to manage due to our health conditions. Getting up the stairs to our bedrooms is a daily challenge.

For nearly 70 years, I’ve lived in this neighborhood, and frankly, it feels like it’s falling apart. Recently, several homes on our street have been condemned and torn down, leaving the area looking like a war zone. Even before this, we were surrounded by squatters and other unsettling conditions. Mentally and physically, I’m deteriorating quickly, and I feel trapped.

We own our home outright, which my husband and son see as a reason to stay. But I can’t take it anymore. I’m on the verge of breaking down, and the anxiety and depression from being stuck in this environment are overwhelming. I know I need to leave, but I’m torn because I don’t want to break up my family.

How can I convince them that selling our home and moving somewhere healthier is the best option? I’m desperate for a change, but they’re clinging to the idea that because we own the house, we should stay. The house is over 120 years old and needs a lot of work. Renting it out isn’t an option; I just want to sell it quickly and move on before my mental health deteriorates any further.

Please, I need advice on how to move forward without tearing my family apart. Any help or guidance would be deeply appreciated. — Two Against One and Fading Fast

Dear Reader: First off, I’m truly sorry to hear that your neighborhood has declined so rapidly. The best way to move forward is to continue doing exactly what you’re doing — communicating your needs clearly to your husband and son. Your concerns about living in a walk-up for health reasons are completely valid.

Selling your home could offer a solution that benefits everyone. With the profits, you might be able to buy a new home outright, and you can remind your husband that you’d still own property, just in a different location that supports your health and well-being. Take the time to research neighborhoods and homes you’d enjoy living in, and work with a good realtor to explore options. Show your husband and son what’s possible; they might just realize what they’ve been missing.

People often fear change, but sometimes change is exactly what we need. Your health is the priority — both mental and physical. As the saying goes, “health is wealth,” and if this house is harming your health, it’s time to move on.

If your husband and son still won’t listen to your concerns, it may be time to seek the guidance of a professional therapist.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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Dear Annie: I feel unsafe in my own home due to solicitors

Dear Annie: We recently moved into a new house, and within just three months, we’ve had a parade of solicitors knocking on our door or ringing our doorbell. After the sixth one, I became so frustrated that I started using the Ring app on my phone to respond to them remotely because I simply didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

However, if I ignore them, they often come back later! It’s like they don’t understand — or care — that they’re not welcome.

To try to solve the problem, we even went out and purchased several “No Trespassing” and “No Solicitation” signs, which are clearly visible from the street. And yet, despite these signs, they still have the nerve to walk right onto our property and ring the doorbell! I don’t understand — what is wrong with these people? Can’t they respect our privacy and follow the obvious signs?

It’s becoming more than just a nuisance; it’s genuinely unsettling. There’s something about strangers knocking on your door uninvited that makes you feel unsafe in your own home. These solicitors are even worse than junk mail or email spammers because, unlike an unwanted message in my inbox, they’re physically intruding on my personal space. I don’t think these people realize just how intrusive and inappropriate their actions feel.

Please, help spread the word that most of us don’t want strangers showing up at our doorstep uninvited. It’s not only annoying but also disturbing to have to deal with this constantly. — Sick of Solicitors

Dear Sick of Solicitors: If you have already put up signs and asked the solicitors to stop, then at that point they are trespassing on your property.

Next time you face this issue, consider asking your neighbors what they do. You might even band together and see if the police can enforce a no-solicitation policy in your neighborhood.

With everything you’re bombarded with outside your home, you absolutely have the right to protect the peace and sanctity inside your home.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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Florida makes announcement on football coach Billy Napier’s future

Billy Napier will return as Florida’s head football coach in 2025, athletics director Scott Stricklin announced Thursday.

Napier has been under fire almost his entire tenure in Gainesville, but the Gators have shown steady improvement this season. Despite injuries to quarterbacks Graham Mertz and DJ Lagway, Florida is 4-4 overall and 2-3 in SEC play headed into Saturday’s game at fifth-ranked Texas (11 a.m., ABC).

“As we’ve seen these past several weeks, the young men on this team represent what it means to be a Gator,” Stricklin wrote. “Their resolve, effort and execution are evident in their performance and growth each week — building a foundation that promises greater success next season and beyond.”

The 45-year-old Napier is 15-17 in three seasons at Florida, going 6-7 with a trip to the Las Vegas Bowl in 2022 and 5-7 in 2023. The Gators must win two of their final four games — at Texas, LSU, Ole Miss and Florida State — to reach the postseason this year.

The Gators played one of their better games of the season last week against Georgia, leading much of the first half before Lagway was injured and the Bulldogs rallied for a 34-20 victory. Napier is under contract through 2028, and Florida would owe him a buyout upwards of $25 million if he is fired this year.

“I am confident that Billy will meet the challenges and opportunities ahead,” Stricklin wrote. “We will work alongside him to support any changes needed to elevate Gator football. As college athletics evolves, UF is committed to embracing innovation and strategy, ensuring the Gators thrive in today’s competitive landscape.”

Napier was previously head coach at Louisiana, where he posted a 40-12 record with a pair of Sun Belt Conference championships in four seasons. He was wide receivers coach at Alabama under Nick Saban from 2013-16, and has also been offensive coordinator at Clemson (2009-10) and Arizona State (2017), as well as assistant head coach and quarterbacks coach at Colorado State (2012).

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Dear Annie: I was betrayed by someone I thought was a true friend

Dear Annie: I am writing in response to the letter about the friend who was snubbed and not invited to join the group. True friendship is built on respect, kindness and mutual support, not on dismissive or hurtful behavior. The writer sounds like a thoughtful and sensitive person, someone who values meaningful connections, and they deserve friendships that are nurturing and reciprocal.

In situations like this, it’s best to let go of the hurt by forgiving the person — not necessarily for their sake, but for your own peace of mind. Holding on to resentment only deepens the wound. Forgive them, wish them well and move on, knowing that you’re making space in your life for people who genuinely appreciate you. Sometimes, outgrowing certain relationships is a natural part of life, and it can lead to finding deeper and more fulfilling connections.

As painful as it might be, it’s important to recognize when it’s time to release a so-called friendship that no longer serves you. Pray for the snubber, forgive them, and focus your energy on the friendships that uplift and nourish your spirit. — Forgiveness Is a Gift

Dear Reader: I’m printing your thoughtful letter because it highlights the importance of forgiveness, not just for the sake of the person who wronged you, but for your own mental and emotional well-being.

Thank you for sharing your insights into one of my favorite subjects — the power of forgiveness.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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Alabama newspaper under fire for posting picture of bale of cotton after Trump’s election

The Selma Times-Journal is facing criticism after an employee changed the publication’s Facebook cover photo to a bale of cotton.

On Facebook, the Times-Journal publisher Brent Maze apologized for the post, saying there was no ill intent behind the picture and it was not meant to convey something “controversial or in bad taste.”

Maze said it was a mistake for the image to be posted without context.

“Unfortunately, a staff member had changed the Facebook page’s cover image to the picture of a bale of cotton,” Maze said.

“There was no ill intent meant by the image. However, it was a mistake for the image to be published like this without context. It was not meant to imply something controversial or in bad taste, but it was nevertheless inappropriate. I regret that the image was posted, and I apologize on behalf of the Times-Journal staff for any harm that this has caused. We will learn from this and do better in the future.”

AL.com has contacted Maze for comment.

The post comes at a time when Black students nationwide, including in Alabama, reportedly received racist text messages saying they were, “selected to pick cotton at the nearest plantation.”

The text messages and cotton photo were made on Wednesday, one day after Donald Trump was elected to become the next president of the United States.

Selma is a majority Black city, with Black people comprising 80 percent of the population according to figures from the 2020 census.

The city is also famously known for civil rights activists marching across the Edmund Pettus Bridge and being assaulted by police during the Civil Rights Movement.

Most commenters were displeased with the post given the racist history and connotations around cotton because of chattel slavery.

One commenter said the post was unacceptable due to the image’s connection to “generations of trauma and oppression.”

“This is not only unacceptable; it’s profoundly disturbing,” the commenter said.

“Posting an image of cotton—especially when your business serves a large Black demographic—shows a shocking lack of awareness or respect for our history. That imagery is tied to generations of trauma and oppression, and seeing it displayed so casually is both offensive and deeply upsetting. I expected better.”

Another individual said the staff member who posted the picture should be fired.

Several other commenters also felt it was no coincidence the post was made right after Trump’s victory, who has long been accused of being racist.

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Teen dies nearly 2 weeks after south Alabama crash that killed elderly man, injured several others

A 16-year-old has died nearly two weeks after a south Alabama head-on crash that also killed an 83-year-old man and injured several other people.

The wreck happened at 9:20 p.m. Friday, Oct. 25, on Alabama 52, about four miles west of Columbia in Houston County.

Alabama State Troopers said the teen died Wednesday, Nov. 6. Troopers do not release the names of juvenile fatalities.

Trooper officials said Curtis Moore, 83, of Dothan, was a passenger in a Dodge Journey that collided head on with a Chevrolet Tahoe driven by a 16-year-old.

After the initial collision, both the Journey and the Tahoe struck the trailer of the 2024 International tractor-trailer driven by Adam V. Luna, 48, of Albany, Ga.

Moore was not using a seat belt at the time of the crash and was pronounced dead on the scene.

The driver of the Journey, 37-year-old Quinlavan M. Thomas, also of Dothan, was injured and taken to Southeast Health in Dothan for medical treatment.

A 5-year-old child, who was also a passenger in the Journey, was also injured and transported to a hospital for treatment.

The 16-year-old driver and a 16-year-old passenger in the Tahoe were both injured and hospitalized. It was the teen passenger who died.

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5 boys basketball storylines in Coastal Alabama for 2024

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Dear Annie: My friend offered me money, then weaponized it against me

Dear Annie: I’ve been friends with “Martha” for 42 years. I’ve always considered our friendship volatile, but I’ve excused her behavior due to her difficult upbringing. As we’ve grown up, not much has changed. She gets angry over nothing and stops speaking to me for sometimes months at a time. As children, it was about things like me making other friends or taking different classes. In adulthood, it’s been more about lifestyle differences, like her changing religions again and again or becoming vegan, and me not cutting ties with people whose views or habits she disagrees with. Despite all this, I’ve always considered her family.

We are both single mothers and had our youngest children in our 40s; mine is 14 and hers is 11. A few years ago, Martha inherited a large sum of money from a wealthy uncle. At the time, she told me that if the inheritance was significant, she would share some with me because, as she said, “We are family.” I thanked her but told her I didn’t expect anything.

Unfortunately, we weren’t speaking when she got the money because of one of these temporary fallings-out, so I didn’t know how much she received, but it was life-changing. She bought herself a house, multiple cars, a condo for her eldest son, and gave her adult children large sums of money. We both have struggled financially, so I was genuinely happy for her and never brought up the offer she had made to give me some of it.

Later, when we started talking again, she told me again that I was family and if I ever needed anything, I should ask. I made it clear I didn’t want to ask her for money, but she insisted she loves me, I’m family, and it’s what she wanted me to do.

Fast forward to about a year ago, my youngest son became self-conscious about his crooked teeth and basically quit smiling. It broke my heart. I found a company that could help with aligners but I couldn’t get the financing. After exhausting all other options, I finally decided to ask Martha for help. It was hard, but she’d repeatedly told me she wanted to be there for me and I stupidly believed her. I asked if I could borrow $2,000 to cover the treatment and promised to repay her. She agreed immediately and told me I didn’t have to, saying, “You’re family and I’m glad to give it to you.” I was overwhelmed with gratitude, literally in tears, and told her I would repay it, but she insisted I didn’t need to.

Now, about a year later, she’s upset with me over political differences. She recently sent me a hurtful message saying I was selfish and that by asking for that money, I was willing to disrespect her to do something for my “real family.” I reminded her of her repeated offers and she said she didn’t expect me to actually ask to borrow money and certainly not for so much if I did. She said my request caused her to be $2,000 short of buying another house, which seems unlikely to me, and I believe her anger is more about our political differences.

I’m torn. Part of me wants to sever ties, send her the $2,000 and move on having learned a painful lesson at the cost of a 42-year friendship. But the other part wants to forgive her, repay the money and continue the friendship. I feel sad, ashamed for asking her for help, and like I should have known better. No matter how hard life gets, I never ask for help, and this is a very harsh reminder why. — Conflicted

Dear Conflicted: True, meaningful friendship shouldn’t feel like a roller coaster, where kindness is offered one minute and weaponized the next. Even when you and Martha are on “good” terms, it’s only a matter of time before the other shoe drops and she becomes angry again.

Send her the money back, if you’re financially able to, and distance yourself from this toxicity. Just because you’ve been friends this long doesn’t mean you’re obligated to stay and be mistreated.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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