Dear Eric: When I hear of a death in the family of someone I know, I send a sympathy card. I appreciated the many cards I received when my husband died, and one kind friend donated to a charity we support.

But when my mother died two years ago after a long incurable illness, I received just one card from a friend, and only a few verbal acknowledgements where I work.

I’ve seen email thanks from other employees for gifts and flowers they received from the company for births and minor illnesses, but I feel hurt and unappreciated that I didn’t receive even a sympathy card.

It seems in this workplace we don’t acknowledge death; are flowers or a small donation to the charity we mentioned in Mom’s obituary, or even just a tangible sympathy card, expecting too much from one’s employer? I haven’t expressed my disappointment to my management team, but I still feel hurt and think about quitting. Are my expectations unrealistic?

– Unacknowledged Grief

Dear Grief: I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother and your husband. Grief is hard enough to navigate on its own; worse when you feel like no one sees it.

You write that you only received one card from a friend, so I’m curious if your feelings about the lack of acknowledgement from your workplace are being magnified by a more amorphous pain around lack of acknowledgement from your friend group.

That is to say, grief latches on to what’s available. Both slights can hurt, but going into the office every day and thinking about what you wished had happened, might put quitting at the top of your mind. Your expectations aren’t unrealistic – we’re humans, even when we’re clocked in, and we should be shown empathy and kindness. But in lieu of quitting, talking about your feelings in grief counseling or a grief support group.

When you’re ready, consider talking to your management team about how the workplace can better support other grieving employees going forward. They can’t fix what they didn’t do for you, but, if you have the capacity, you can help change the culture for others.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.