Dear Eric: Our family attended the wedding of two longtime friends. We were part of a close-knit friend group that saw each other through some difficult times over the years and spent vacations together.

Months ago, a mutual friend posted their invitation to our small group chat, assuming that we had all received one, too. Except that we hadn’t. This prompted one of the brides to fire off private messages with convoluted explanations for the “delay” in our invitations.

As the day approached, we began receiving logistical messages for the wedding. One of them was peculiar in that the list of recipients was not visible. “Shorts are welcome”, it read, because it was going to be very hot. Our family wore shorts. As we arrived, it became very obvious that no one else had gotten that memo. Not a single pair of shorts or informal attire in sight. The brides greeted us politely but coldly.

As the wedding evening wore on, the slights kept getting more obvious.

While a big group was dancing, me included, one bride loudly told me to stop dancing because that song was meant for her group of guests. She repeated her command three times, loudly and obnoxiously.

Little slights throughout the night continued. Too many to talk about without sounding petty.

We either misjudged these friends for years, or we did something horrible that we are not aware of. Our adult children are of the mind that these people have always been cold users. I am still wondering what in the world I could have done to deserve that kind of treatment. Or better yet, what in my psychological makeup allowed me to think that people like that were close friends?

– Obligatory Guest

Dear Guest: If these people don’t actually like you, they chose the weirdest, most complicated way to show you.

OK, I’m going to write something that is not about you personally – because I don’t know you – so, take it with a grain of salt.

Maybe these so-called friends just find you a little annoying and the animus was mostly unintentional.

Sometimes the camaraderie of a large group of friends can have a halo effect, obscuring individual relationships that aren’t as close. It doesn’t justify being cruel but might explain some of the slights.

One thing is clear: their communication at and around the wedding was a mess. Try being direct. Talk to others in your group. Did they have similar experiences at the wedding? Do they have a secret ill-will toward you? Don’t pursue this to the point of obsession. Just get a temperature check from people you trust to help put your mind at ease or alert you to something you’ve missed. And maybe reconsider your vacation invite list for next year.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.