Dear Eric: I have a friend I’ve known for more than 40 years. Communication ebbed and flowed as we moved through various life stages. We live hundreds of miles apart now. Her life has been more tumultuous with the death of her husband plus drug and mental health issues with her children.

Recently, she has distanced herself from me. I respected her wish to be texted ahead of calling to make sure it was a good time. More often than not, she would promise to call in a few days, but didn’t. When we did chat it seemed like old times.

Our last contact was a text with her on her birthday last year. She didn’t acknowledge my birthday this year. I know her life is still filled with family drama. I wonder if I should even attempt contact with her anymore.

– Distant Friend

Dear Friend: Reach out but don’t be afraid to ask a “state of the friendship” question like “Does this still work for you?”

Tell her you notice your communication has ebbed. Ask if it’s intentional. It’s possible – likely – she’s just overwhelmed or not a good communicator. She might appreciate a friend who will put in more than her share of the effort.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.