Dear Eric: My Mom is planning our Dad’s 90th birthday party. My adult children and their adult children are super excited. Unfortunately, I found out that my mom will not be inviting my grandchildren or my stepdaughters’ families. I have been married to their father for more than 23 years.

My mom said it’s just too much for our dad to have the extra daughters and their families.

She says we’re family, but I guess not. I just don’t know if I can attend knowing that all my kids can’t come. They will all be very hurt, as they think of them as grandparents.

There’s time for me to figure this out as I haven’t said anything to the other kids. But I’m so disappointed and have to really decide if I’ll attend or not.

– Split Family

Dear Family: This is unfair, but I don’t think you should let it prevent you from going to the party. This is a once-in-a-lifetime celebration for your father, and you’d be sorry you missed it. Plus, your presence will be meaningful to him, which is the most important thing.

You should, however, circle back with your mother to get more information about her decision. Planning a party is a taxing affair for someone of any age, so see if there are ways that you can lighten her load or help her think through space or food or costs. It’s possible that she is thinking less about emotional bonds and more about logistics.

If she’s set on it, however, you can also have your own little get together with your stepdaughters and their families and your dad. Better to over-celebrate than under celebrate.

Read more Asking Eric and other advice columns.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.