Dear Eric: My brother is always struggling financially. Because I am between jobs, instead of turning to me, as he has in the past, he recently turned to our sister, who is very well off. We never get the money back when he asks. I am just the path of least resistance.

Since my sister couldn’t give him the $6,000 he asked for to pay off credit cards, I told her I would, knowing full well I’d never see the money again. I can live with that.

My brother thinks my sister gave him the money (I don’t mind that at all). However, my sister is making sure she calls my brother every month to make sure he pays $100 a month. We use a cash app to disguise that it goes directly to me. It’s going to take five more years to pay this off. I can’t take the monthly ritual and the drama around it.

I do not want to be my brother’s creditor. It is stressing me out and really bothers me, as I know he is doing his best to survive and support his family. I end up giving this payment back to him anyway. It’s insane. I want out. I want to be able to tell my brother that it was me and that I don’t want it back. I just want to move on, but my sister is adamant about making sure he pays her (me) back. What should I do?

– Wants to Cash Out

Dear Cash Out: Your sister doesn’t have a say here. She’s created a farcical caper in hopes of teaching your brother a lesson. But she can’t collect a debt that isn’t owed to her. Tell your brother directly that the debt is forgiven. And after that tell your sister what you did.

It’s so easy to put our own values on the ways other people manage their money. So much so that poor financial decisions can take on the weight of moral failings. The ways that you spend your money and your brother manages his money are none of your sister’s business. Or, as folks used to say where I grew up, she doesn’t have a penny in that nickel.

Should you choose to lend/give your brother money again, it will be helpful to have an honest conversation about expectations – yours and his. You may be the path of least resistance for him when he runs into money trouble, but you still have a right to say “no,” “not right now,” and “can we find a different solution?”

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.