Dear Eric: I have recently noticed a disturbing trend during road trips with my wife of more than 30 years. As we visit our college-age children at their campus, we regularly face car rides of three hours or more. I willingly drive, and that’s my wife’s preference as well, although she would take a shift without issue.

After a short time, she will retreat to her phone. I will try to continue a conversation, but I will get short answers and no attempt at real participation. We have a great marriage, and communication is not an issue, nor is phone use a problem during other moments.

I get that she is trying to make a boring car ride go quickly; and I don’t need help staying awake, navigating or maintaining concentration on the road. I will inevitably put on a podcast or music and life goes on. However, I find myself annoyed and think the behavior is slightly rude. I feel there is an unwritten rule that if you ride “shotgun”, your role is to engage with the driver. Am I off base here?

– Lonely Driver

Dear Driver: Ah, shotgun. The vice president of the car. A hallowed position, ruling over the music, the navigation, but never the air-conditioning. As with any other vice presidency, the role of shotgun is what you make it. Personally, I appreciate occasional navigation help but prefer to choose the music myself. If you want your wife’s engagement, ask for it. That said, if you’re just as happy putting on a podcast, let the unwritten rules go and consider these college car trips down time with low stakes. A Camp David for shotguns, if you will.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.