Dear Eric: I really enjoy reading advice columns, and I see a lot of older folks frustrated that they don’t get thanked for gifts to their young relatives. Without meaning to appear ungrateful, I believe there is a generational gap here that isn’t being addressed.

I’m in my 30s. When I get a thank you note from a gift or a dinner invitation, I’m always surprised. It seems so formal! And unnecessary.

Instead of thinking “my friend/neighbor is grateful” I think “my friend/neighbor feels obliged to write thank you notes.”

A thank you note is not too much to ask, but it is just not as obvious as the older generation seems to think. So, I wish they could take it less personally. The expectation actually does need to be explained/taught in relational terms – “I feel loved/rejected/used when…”, with patience as the kids learn this intergenerational communication skill.

– No Thanks Needed

Dear Thanks: This issue does come up a lot, you’re right. And there’s definitely cultural and generational gaps but I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all explanation. You say that you have friends who send thank you notes. Maybe they enjoy it!

Your closing thought really hits it, though: we just have to say what we need.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.