Dear Eric: My spouse and I are an older couple with some family members who live in the same town as us and some family who live out of state.

The families who live near us only invite us to functions where a gift is needed, such as weddings and birthdays, etc.

We feel very sad about this since we spend many holidays alone. May I add that my spouse and I are pleasant people and so are they, but they never reach out to us except when they send an invitation for a function. We are perplexed by this. What can we do?

– Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken: It might seem bold, but you may have to invite yourself to a holiday dinner. Sometimes, even those who love us and want to be around us don’t think of us as much as we’d like. This is normal; everyone is the star of their own show. So, it’s helpful to reach out and let people know when we have a need or a want.

Your family could assume that you already have holiday plans or that you’re happy to spend holidays solo. Try not to ascribe a pattern to the invitations you’re getting. Yes, they all involve gifts, but weddings and birthdays fall into the “celebration” category of event. One throws a party; one invites a big group to celebrate en masse. Holidays can fall into this category, too. But more often they fall into the “tradition” category. By letting your family know that you’d like to be invited, you give them – and yourselves – a chance to make a new tradition.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.