Dear Eric: I have two daughters with special needs. They function around the level of a 10-year-old. They are also nonverbal in public. It is very unlikely that they will ever have a relationship with anyone, much less have children. So, it is likely that I will never be a grandmother. My question is how do I deal with the grief that causes me?

– Grieving the Future

Dear Future: Talking openly about the way that you’re feeling – with a therapist, with friends, with other parents of children with special needs – is a good first step. Being able to lay it all out may not lessen the grief right away, but it will help it to feel more manageable. As a parent, you’re handling a lot. It likely feels isolating. So, reminding yourself that you’re not alone and you don’t have to navigate tough feelings alone is important.

It’s also important to remember that there are many kinds of relationships that can offer you the love and emotional connection of grandparenthood. Even if this assurance feels like a cold comfort at the moment, it’s helpful to think through the people in your life and ways that you can be present for each other as life goes on. It’s also a good reminder of who you have in your corner.

Lastly, think about what you would be hoping for as a grandparent. Perhaps it’s the simple joy of being able to love and care for another child (and then return them to their parents at the end of a visit). But perhaps it’s a more complex desire. There’s no wrong way to feel about this. But thinking through what’s at the root of this grief will help you talk about it, work through it, and find alternatives in the future.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.