Dear Eric: My 30-year-old son is severely physically disabled due to a debilitating muscle disease. He requires 100 percent assistance with all life functions. He does not have any cognitive disabilities, is very intelligent and earned a bachelor’s degree. My husband retired a couple of years ago and is his main caregiver.

People who are likely well-intentioned, ask how he is doing and when we respond that he is doing well despite the progression of his disease and that he handles his very challenging situation with grace and little complaint, they then follow up with questions about what he is doing, does he have plans to work and then oftentimes even start suggesting jobs that he could consider.

These people have no idea the challenges that he faces every day, and my husband and I feel that, as long as he is happy and satisfied, that is all that matters. We try to explain that having a job would create a lot of stress for him and would require my husband to be with him to assist at all times. Additionally, one item that we do not feel the need to share is that if he earned basically any more than minimum wage, he would lose his benefits.

We don’t think that we owe anyone an explanation and despite trying to briefly and kindly respond to their questions, they inevitably continue to press on about the topic.

We appreciate people asking about him but would also appreciate it if they would accept our response and move on to other topics of conversation. How can we reply to these insensitive interrogations without coming across as defensive or angry?

– Done Explaining

Dear Explaining: One option is to offer less in the way of an update. A simple “he’s doing well, thank you,” gives the well-intentioned inquisitor fewer avenues for offering suggestions. Another option is to kindly but firmly remind people that they don’t know what they’re talking about. “Oh, we’ve thought through all of that and more. Trust me, this is exactly where we need to be. We’ve had 30 years of practice navigating this, so we’ve become experts. It would take 30 years to catch you up, and I don’t want to bore you.”

You’re correct that you don’t owe anyone an explanation. So, whichever path you choose, also know that it’s perfectly fine – and not at all defensive – to interrupt a suggestion you never asked for and change the subject.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.