Dear Eric: My husband has eating and sanitary habits that make me cringe. When he prepares his lunch, he licks off the mayonnaise or peanut butter that he has gotten on his fingers and then sticks them in the communal chip bag without washing his hands first.

When he eats cereal or salad, he makes this smacking noise that gets in my head. I look for excuses not to sit at the table with him when he eats. Also, he doesn’t always wash his hands after using the bathroom which makes the chip bag situation even worse.

I have brought up everything except for the smacking sound to him in the past and he always just gets this pouty look like he can’t do anything right and then he is good for a while but then starts up again. He is about to retire, and I shudder at the thought of eating even more meals with him. What can I do?

– Dining Alone

Dear Dining: The smacking sounds, while frustrating, are a different issue from his sanitary habits so address them separately. If you’re sharing food or space, it’s crucial to also have agreements about how to healthily coexist. Point out the things he’s doing that are unsanitary when they happen – the lack of handwashing, for one (yuck!). Explain that it’s something you can’t abide and why. He may say it’s no big deal, but it is a big deal to you. So, he has to work with you to come up with a solution.

An easy-ish fix is to have separate chip bags. This doesn’t get at the core issue, but it may help clear the air a little bit. The larger issue at play, however, is a low-level disgust with some of his habits. Maybe they were bearable in smaller doses when he was working. But retirement is a different paradigm and you’re both, essentially, about to create a new shared space together. If he’s pouting, he’s not contributing to the creation of that new space and he’s not hearing what you’re saying. Talk to him clearly and kindly but hold your ground. Also, consider if there are more deep-seated feelings of frustration or resentment that you can work through with him so that some of his habits don’t grate as much.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.