Dear Eric: My husband of almost 57 years said to me for the very first time “I don’t want to talk about it.” He is 77 and I am 80.

The topic was two incidents of damage to his newly purchased Honda.

It has now been four days, and he has not mentioned the topic. How long should I keep waiting? Is it OK of him to make this request?

– In the Dark

Dear Dark: Every couple has their own internal rules, so what’s OK for some might not be for others. If you feel that one of the core agreements of your relationship is that you talk about everything, this might be a good opportunity to point that out to your husband and ask him what’s behind his response.

You also might think about why he could be avoiding talking. Perhaps he caused the damage and is feeling embarrassed or frustrated by a change in his driving ability. You could ask him about that directly but empathetically by saying something like, “I haven’t noticed anything that I’m worried about, but if you’ve noticed something different about your driving, would you please tell me? I want to help keep you safe.”

I don’t want to put ideas in your head. It could be nothing to talk about. But you can begin to get some of the answers you’re looking for by asking some “whys” instead of “what happened.” This keeps the lines of communication open without putting you in a position where you have to pressure him.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.