Dear Eric: When my only son and his wife got married and had kids, I was informed that Christmas Day would just be for them to celebrate. I said OK.

For decades, I have given my son and his family (wife and two kids) really nice gifts for Christmas. We are talking about hundreds of dollars. For a while, I would receive a small gift, such as a bottle of homemade vanilla, a rose-scented tin of salve made by a friend of the wife or a coffee cup or some such as a gift from the family. Same with my birthday. I have never received a gift from the grandkids.

Last year, I let them know I would no longer be “exchanging” gifts with the parents but gifts to the grandkids (who are now teenagers with jobs) will continue. That year, I got them electronics and hoodies. I got nothing from anyone. Not even an acknowledgement from the kids. I have always had to deliver the gifts or call to see if they received them. This year, it is only going to be a Christmas card. Am I being overly sensitive?

– Empty Stocking

Dear Stocking: No, you are not being overly sensitive. Every family has their own traditions and needs. And no one is obligated to give – or accept – a gift. But it sure does make me sad that your desire to make this holiday special isn’t being reciprocated.

Part of it may be a misalignment of expectations. You’ve given generously, into the hundreds of dollars. I’m curious if your son and daughter-in-law have different values or wants around gifting that are either not being expressed or not being heard. They should tell you clearly.

Similarly, when you decided to stop giving gifts to the adults, I’m curious if your expectations were that your son would realize that you weren’t getting what you wanted and make a change.

It’s worth talking it through a little more but try to focus on the want behind the want. I suspect that what you’re craving is connection – and perhaps an invitation to the family Christmas. It makes sense that you’d try to show your love from a distance through gift-giving and it makes sense that it would hurt not to have it reciprocated. But perhaps the tradition of gifts is getting in the way on both sides. If you’d like to be invited or would like to find an alternate way of celebrating and being together, that’s a great gift to ask for.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.