Dear Eric: I have a friend, from college 40 years ago, who I’m only now realizing is a needy, self-aggrandizing narcissist. In all of that time, absolutely no one in my circle has ever liked her.

She has driven people away, including her spouse, but maybe subconsciously I thought with me it was different. She has lived far away for most of the time I’ve known her, and our relationship is mainly by phone.

Every interaction involves her “sharing” updates on her possessions, homes, cars, wealthy people she interacts with, how expensive and famous her children’s universities are, how perfect and accomplished her children are, her amazing vacations and on and on.

The times she has visited haven’t gone well. Her children always tell mine how poor we are (we’re comfortably living a good life), how everything they have is better and how small our house is. My children hate them.

I’m tired. The latest is that she announced I will need to be available next year to spend time with her when she comes to visit relatives. I explained that I cannot promise anything due to caring for my elderly parents and my need to be available. She was furious (it’s a whole year away! Can’t you promise me that time?!) and proceeded to berate me by text in all of the ways I’m a bad friend and need to evaluate whether I want to continue our friendship. I don’t!

I’ve so far avoided her, but is there a better way to end this? I don’t do well with conflict.

– Stuck with a Bad Friend

Dear Friend: It sounds like she’s provided you with an off-ramp. She may have meant the comment about evaluating whether you want to continue your friendship as a threat to make you fall in line, but you can and should take it at face value. You’ve evaluated and decided it doesn’t work for you. It sounds like it doesn’t work for her either. If you want to avoid being berated again, write her a letter. It needn’t be vindictive or cruel. Indeed, you might find the most peace in separating with love, acknowledging the time you had together, and wishing her well.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.