Dear Eric: I’ve been “friends” with a couple for more than 20 years. In retrospect our engagements always seem to be about partying. We attended both their sons’ weddings. Yet I still feel that they hold me at a distance.

The wife of the couple has no trouble telling me about a gathering she’s having to which we are not invited. Or how she’s having another person over for a holiday dinner (because they will be alone) without asking if my husband and I will also be alone for that day.

Recently, I initiated an invite to get together for happy hour when my sister was visiting from out of town. I got a reply that was somewhat hurtful. They couldn’t possibly meet for an hour or so during the seven days she would be here. My “friend” was hosting a 70th birthday party for her husband and they would be busy. Geez, way to tell me our friendship isn’t valuable enough to invite us to a milestone birthday for someone we’ve known for 25 years.

Years ago, I got disgusted and felt that I was the one who always initiated getting together, so I stopped calling. Two years went by without her contacting me. I eventually called and things went on as usual. Ironically when I explained why I “dropped off”, she didn’t really understand.

Why do I keep this relationship going? Is it even a relationship?

– Are We Friends?

Dear Friends: Do you actually like this couple? This behavior is tough at best, unacceptable at worst. Friendship needs to be reciprocal and if they’re sending ambivalent messages, you can either have a direct conversation about why that is and how you can work together to fix it, or you can accept it at face value. Frankly, I’d suggest doing the latter. I’m sorry you’re not being treated in a way that shows thoughtfulness or care, but you don’t have to keep subjecting yourself to it.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.