Dear Eric: My brother’s son, “Dan,” has chosen to totally delete his dad from his life. He has refused all forms of contact for more than a year. My brother has no idea why Dan has disengaged without explanation.

My brother continues to attempt contact via our usual forms of communication but to no avail. How does a family approach this conundrum? We are baffled and so deeply saddened by this turn of events.

What message is Dan sending to his two sons: my brother’s grandsons?

– Dismayed Aunt

Dear Aunt: I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Estrangement is jarring. It runs cracks through the foundation of a family. And for an extended family it can feel hopelessly confusing.

I know that your brother says this came out of nowhere, but I wish that we had more information from him about what exactly that “nowhere” looked like before Dan cut off all contact.

Often, estranged parents are willfully or accidentally blind to the events that precipitated the divide. It’s hard to say what a healthy path forward is without knowing more about Dan and your brother’s relationship.

If Dan will speak to you, you should reach out to him. Don’t try to lobby on your brother’s behalf, simply ask Dan to share his perspective with you. See if he’s open to a relationship with you. Family members don’t have to be judge and jury in disputes like this. Indeed, it’s best if you don’t make a ruling.

There’s something that has hurt Dan so deeply that his only recourse, he feels, is to cut off contact with his father. See if he’s open to an outstretched hand and a listening ear.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.