Dear Eric: I am a 76-year-old male whose friend of more than 70 years has a wife with severe arthritic conditions that have caused her to be basically wheelchair bound for many years. Upon placing her back into their car, I normally place a kiss on her cheek.

Over a year ago, as I started that, she whispered “on the lips” to me. Since that time, I have attempted to scale the friendship back because of the uneasiness it caused me. I have enjoyed their long-term friendship until this occurred. Am I being too sensitive about this?

– Too Close Friend

Dear Friend: If it made you uncomfortable or felt like the crossing of a boundary, you’re not being too sensitive. I’m sure you’ve gone over possible explanations in your head – perhaps she was joking, perhaps she misread your cheek kisses as advances, perhaps this, perhaps that. The reason is important but it’s not as important as how the words landed with you.

It’s possible you feel awkward around the both of them now, or feel you’re holding a secret. Talking to your friend’s wife about what happened and how you felt will free you from having to walk around with this bound up inside you. A conversation also offers the opportunity to get clarity from her and to clear a path for you to resume your close friendship with the husband.

Try to talk with her one-on-one. Bring up the words she whispered and let her know how you felt when you heard them. Being clear with a statement like “when you said, ‘on the lips,’ I felt uneasy [or replace this with another emotion] because I value the friendship I have with you and with your husband, I don’t want there to be any crossed wires here.” Assert the boundaries that you’re comfortable with and ask her if she can respect them.

This also gives her a chance to explain and to apologize, if need be.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.