Dear Eric: My husband and I are in our 70s. He works full time, watches a lot of sports, is on his computer a lot and runs around doing errands. I work part time, clean house, cook, do laundry and yard work.

I know my husband loves me, but he doesn’t seem to have any regard for my feelings.

I love my kitchen, but my husband thought it needed a lot of major changes. I said I liked it just the way it was. He started these projects months ago. The kitchen is now a mess and he’s always too tired to work on it. There are other projects, large and small, that never get done.

I’m either going to lose it or run away from home.

– Perplexed About Projects

Dear Perplexed: You’re both doing so much, even the thought of a hard conversation about this kitchen mess is surely exhausting. Just the thought of a half-remodeled kitchen is enough to send me straight to bed. You have my sympathy.

Running away may not be necessary but see if you can figure out a break for yourself. Are there friends or family you can visit? Taking some time away from the construction site – and telling your husband why – will help you breathe easier.

Though your husband might have had the best intentions, intention doesn’t equal impact. And it’ll help both of you if you are kind but clear with him about how this is impacting you. Is it possible for him to get someone in to help him set the kitchen right? Ask him to do so and to give you a realistic timetable for when that’s going to happen. He may see the kitchen as just another item on the to-do list, but this affects your life every day. Share that with him and ask him if he understands. This doesn’t have to be a heated talk, but it should be a goal-oriented one.

If the goal of repairing the kitchen isn’t something that he can make a clear plan for, then you can introduce option B: a discussion about how the family budget can be restructured to allow for takeout every day

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.