Dear Eric: My sister-in-law cannot seem to get my name right. I first married at age 20, in 1973 when you pretty much just took your husband’s last name, and so I did. I went on to have a long teaching career, in which you pretty much just go by “Mrs. Smith.”

My first husband died of cancer after 42 years of marriage. Four years later, I found love again and remarried.

Honestly, having been known as “Mrs. Smith” for all those years as an educator, it had become my identity. I had that name over twice as long as my maiden name. So, I didn’t change my name when I married.

I’ve been married to my new husband for almost five years now and have continued to sign my name on every card, every return address, every document, everything, as “Mary Smith.”

My sister-in-law continues to address cards to me as “Mary Jones.” She has to know that is not my name, I include my “Smith” name on the return address of every card I send.

I should also say that she and I probably have differing opinions on most things, including religion and politics. We never discuss either in family gatherings, keeping things superficial but congenial when we are together.

Another birthday card arrived, addressed to “Mary Jones.” How wonderful she remembers my birthday. How annoying that she addresses it to someone that I am not. (It is, in fact, the name of my husband’s aunt.) Do I continue to ignore what has become to me an irritant, or should I bring it up at some point?

– Name Games

Dear Name Games: Bring! It! Up! (Imagine me chanting that like I’m an audience member on a game show.) It might be an oversight; it might be an intentional slight but either way it’s not your name. “I’ve noticed you address me as Mary Jones, but I didn’t take [husband’s] name. I’m glad you’re so eager to welcome him to the family. But no need to update your address book. The love is the same, no matter the name.”

It may feel like you’re breaking the unspoken rule about treating each other’s differences with congeniality, but this isn’t an opinion. It’s a fact. Your name is your name, and she can learn it. In fact, she already did, years ago.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.