Dear Eric: I am writing for advice concerning a 20-year-old problem. I am one of six friends who gather each summer. We are life-long friends in our late 60s who live all over the country. We treasure these annual gatherings of connection, laughter, support and love.

One person consistently and completely takes over group conversations with long-winded stories that focus on her life and people we don’t know. The situation has become a burden, so much so that two of the group want to stop coming to our annual reunions.

Over the years we have tried to gently stop the soliloquies by encouraging topics to include everyone, but this does not last long. In recent years, our patience has been wearing thin. One year one of us brought a box of “deep life questions” for us to discuss during the week and established the rule that no one could talk while the one person was answering. This helped, but felt a bit artificial for people who have been friends for more than 55 years.

The “conversation buster” is very sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily. We care for her and value our friendship but have grown weary of her dominance. The five of us have discussed the situation at length and recognize our own responsibility in letting this happen over the years. What advice do you have for us to restore the conversation equilibrium and enjoyment of our time together?

– Ear-Weary Friends

Dear Friends: I have good news and bad news. The bad news: after 20 years, I’m not sure that equilibrium restoration is possible. Was it ever present? It sounds like the group has formed around your sixth friend’s loquaciousness, or at least in spite of it. Is it realistic to hope that your sixth friend will completely change the way she interacts with you? She may have decided, all evidence to the contrary, that this is what you like.

The good news: after 20 years, you have a lot of goodwill banked. Now, yes, she is sensitive, but I believe you can be a little less gentle without being less kind. You can have a one-on-one conversation with her before your next gathering and use “I” statements like “I sometimes find it hard to get a word in or to feel like we’re in conversation.” You can ask her if she’d feel all right about you being more assertive about a redirect. And should all else fail, the group can call it out in the moment and directly ask her to change course.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.