Dear Eric: I have been dating a wonderful man for a little over a year and we are talking about getting married. I have been married once before and he has been married twice before with children from both marriages. His second ex-wife had addiction issues.

His mother has declared that she has no desire or time to get to know me after dealing with everything his second ex-wife put the family through. His mom keeps his child while he travels for work, so he says that he doesn’t have a leg to stand on right now in terms of insisting that I be included.

My ex-husband’s mother was awful to me throughout our entire marriage and I’m having a hard time thinking that I’m going to be dealing with the same situation all over again. I’m trying to separate my feelings for my current partner from his mother’s stance on being hell-bent on not including me in the family, but it has been difficult.

Do I give up my dreams of great in-laws in order to keep the man I see a future with?

– Ignored In-Law

Dear In-Law: Your partner does have a leg to stand on. His mother shouldn’t be forced to like you, but if he’s not willing to even emphasize to her that you’re a different person than the ex and you are important to him, it’s not fair to you.

That said, it has only been a year, so don’t give up on your dream just yet. Your partner’s mother may need more time to trust that you’re going to stick around. She also may need more time to heal from what his second ex put her through. That’s fair. After all, she’s now caring for the second ex’s child while your partner is away, so the impact on her life is ongoing.

Give yourselves the time to heal and to build relationships. Talk to your partner about how this is affecting you and ask for his support, while acknowledging that this is a slow process. Patience is the key here.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.