Dear Amy: For the past 10 years, my husband, adult son and I have hosted Thanksgiving dinner.

My parents are divorced, and in recent years we have invited my step-siblings and their families, which adds a possible 14 guests to our feast.

We love them and want our kids to have good holiday memories; the problem is that several of them don’t RSVP until just before/on Thanksgiving Day (and when they do, the answer is always “no”) – after we have prepared food for them all. The last event they were invited to (our son’s birthday), those that don’t attend Thanksgiving didn’t even bother RSVP-ing.

I am considering not even inviting them this year since A) they never come and B) they stress us out with their last-minute “no.”

Also, the two families that don’t show up at our events never invite us to any of their events, so I assume that our desire to be closer is not mutual.

Should we keep inviting them, or take the hint that they aren’t really interested?

– Tired of Guessing, Stressing and Overspending

Dear Tired: I think you should invite these family members this year, and assume that – as usual – they will not accept.

Contact them the week before Thanksgiving to follow-up, saying something like, “I’m assuming that we won’t see you for Thanksgiving this year, but I just wanted to follow through on our invitation. We’d love to see you, so please let us know today if you can make it.”

If by some unlikely Thanksgiving miracle they do accept your invitation this year, ask these family members to contribute one of their favorite dishes to your feast. This may give them more of a stake in the outcome.

After this year, if they don’t show, understand that these stepsiblings are not interested in sharing celebratory events with you, and taper off your invitations and hospitality.

Given that you are related through divorce, your stepsiblings might feel obligated to spend Thanksgiving with their “other” parent or in-laws, but this does not excuse their rudeness in not letting you know.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.