Dear Amy: My dad died many years ago and his estate was handled solely by his widow.

It was a very difficult and tumultuous time for us, his children, as we watched her dismantle his entire life.

We were robbed of closure and of the experience of reliving all our memories as a family.

Eventually, I thought we had all healed.

My sister has, for the past few years, been digging up old records and bringing me into her world of conspiracy and legal vengeance concerning his death and estate.

I’ve told her before that I can’t go down this painfully emotional road with her but, if it’s what she needs to do, that I’d support her decision.

Recently, she tried again to drag me in, and I repeated that I still support HER need, but I’ve moved on and don’t want to hear it.

She became very angry and said this isn’t what she had envisioned when I said I’d support her.

I’m afraid this may affect us for years to come.

How can I set clear boundaries and protect my own emotions while remaining empathetic, and heal our relationship?

– Tired and Defeated

Dear Tired: You have already set clear boundaries. This is a good choice for you, but it doesn’t mean that your sister will like your limits.

Your sister seems to want help, agreement, assent. But if you can’t offer these things (or don’t want to offer them), you can only repeat another version, gently stating, “I’m not judging you. I support your right to do whatever you want to do. I’m sorry that I’m not giving you all that you want, but I want to have a good sisterly relationship. I will always support you emotionally, and I always have your back, but I can’t help you with this.”

Emotionally supporting someone does not mean that you need to sign off on all of their choices.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.