Dear Amy: The other night I was talking to my husband about a little lie he told.

I said that lying is one thing I won’t tolerate!

I would be far less mad about the truth than the little lies.

During the conversation he threw in another lie, which was easily found out with his search history on his tablet. He invited me to do this and obviously didn’t think I could locate it because he thought he had deleted the history on his phone.

This was not something I was concerned about, by the way. After all, he is a man and I’m not dumb.

When I caught him and called him out, he went on the defensive and gave me no comfort to work through this.

Now I’m at a loss. I’m worried that if he can tell little lies straight to my face, when do the big lies start?

– Lost in Idaho

Dear Lost: It seems extremely unrealistic to expect your husband to comfort you after he’s been caught in a lie. At that moment, he is feeling much sorrier for himself than for you. And maybe you should feel sorry for him, too.

Unless he is flat-out arrogant, gratuitous lying about little things is cowardly. His lies reveal that he doesn’t really trust you. He is afraid of your reaction, or afraid of disappointing you. And yes, I do believe that when this is ingrained, little lies will lead to larger ones.

You and your husband might want to check out the newest book by famed relationship researchers Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman: “Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection” (2024, Harmony).

Dear Amy: Every time you try to answer a question about pot use, you reveal how old-fashioned and uninformed you are.

Marijuana is a medicinal herb, used for thousands of years. It is now legal to use it, and so no one should have a problem with it.

– Happy Pot User

Dear Happy: People who are sober struggle with the very real impact of trying to live with people who are not sober. It’s a drag to always be the designated driver.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.