Dear Amy: Our family is pretty close. We live near one another, do lots of things together and get along great. However, in the last year and a half, one sister who lives three hours away has declined any invitations to events, including most recently Thanksgiving.

We are at a complete loss as to understand what is going on.

I have told her that she is welcome to stay with me for any amount of time and have included her significant other and their dog in the invite.

When I talk to her on the phone our conversations seem completely normal, she just says the drive is too far and the dog gets carsick. She previously made accommodations for those issues.

However, she has pretty much dropped contact with everyone else, only commenting infrequently on family group texts.

None of us can figure out what we’ve done to make her stay away like this.

We even discussed all of us just dropping in on her, but I’m not sure she’d appreciate that.

Suggestions?

– At a Loss

Dear At a Loss: Your sister might not want to cart herself and her carsick dog three hours to your hometown. You don’t mention ever visiting her.

Your family should not show up unannounced and en masse.

You should tell her you’d like to drive to her town on a Saturday and visit her at her house, or meet somewhere for lunch. Spend time with her on her turf. Don’t grill or pressure her – just demonstrate your own commitment to seeing her.

Dear Amy: Our family has become larger over the years. It’s too much of a burden for one person or family to host and prepare all the food for holidays, so each family is responsible for bringing an entree, side dish, and a dessert. We coordinate via group text.

This also prevents duplication with too many potato dishes!

– Problem Solved

Dear Solved: Ahem. There can NEVER be too many potato dishes.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.