Dear Amy: I am a 29-year-old woman. I have dated my partner for seven years (we’ve lived together for two years).

He embodies so many qualities I admire, and I feel a deep love for him. I know our future is “going to work out” because we have similar goals, values, and a plan for marriage.

Knowing this brings me a sense of security and safety.

However, I feel an overwhelming loneliness inside.

I feel we lack emotional intimacy, despite my efforts to cultivate it.

We rarely spend time together; he spends most of his time focused on career and his circle of friends. A recent example: he is about to graduate law school and is planning his “bar trip,” which he wants to spend with his friends, rather than me.

I have had heart-to-hearts with him about my feelings and receive empathy in the moment, with no actionable changes.

I suggested we go to therapy, but he was adamantly opposed.

Ultimately, I don’t feel like a cherished priority. I’m having trouble discerning if this is normal as relationships evolve over time, or if we fundamentally have differences in the closeness we desire from a partner.

Your take?

– Worried

Dear Worried: My take is that yes, you and your partner have fundamental differences.

For instance, I assume that if you felt more connected each day, you wouldn’t be upset about your partner’s planned bar crawl.

This doesn’t mean that you two don’t love one another, but if you feel lonely now, your loneliness will intensify unless you adopt more of his relationship style (not that I would suggest this). But he will not adopt yours, just as he will not attend therapy.

I will say this: A true intimate connection where people are very much in sync does not feel this way, even over time.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.