Dear Amy: My friend is 15 years older than me. She has her Ph.D. and teaches at a university.

She lives beyond her means and is now working two jobs to help pay her credit card bills. She has been married and divorced twice.

She is fun to be around; we laugh for hours.

She recently asked us if my husband would build a tiny house on our property for her to move into. She expects my husband to build it for her (she would pay for the materials).

My husband and I said no. We don’t wish to do this, for many reasons.

I explained the many reasons we are saying no. Her comment was, “You can always come up with excuses.”

I didn’t let it bother me and went on to change the subject. We started talking about a local environmental issue.

She blew up at me, saying that I was too stupid to make any comments about the environment, because this is her academic specialty. She demands an apology from me for even discussing the topic.

I’m not stupid. It bothers me deeply that she would put me down because I don’t hold a doctorate in environmental science and therefore should never discuss the topic. There has never been a forbidden topic before.

My husband says to let her go her own way, that she was probably upset we said no to her house idea, and she was just taking out her frustrations on me.

I worry about her as she has no close family and has been a part of our family for years. Our daughters call her “Auntie.”

I’m torn on how to handle this. I miss my friend, but now I feel I’m being played.

I would appreciate an outside perspective.

– Not Dumb

Dear Not Dumb: Congratulations! You’ve dodged a tiny house falling onto your property, landing squarely onto your heads like the swirling house in “The Wizard of Oz.”

I think your husband is entirely correct; your friend is desperate and has assumed that she can pressure and manipulate you into providing a roof over her head (building it from scratch, no less!).

The only thing I think you might have done differently was how you delivered your “no.”

“No – that’s not going to work for us,” would have been complete. By providing any explanation, you opened the door for her to wave her degree in your face and sever the friendship – on her terms (“I demand an apology!”), instead of on yours.

You have nothing to apologize for.

I suggest sitting quietly while she figures out how to attempt to get back into your good graces.

She could start with an apology. A person doesn’t need a Ph.D. to apologize sincerely, but she might not be smart enough to realize this.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.