Dear Amy: My brother is due to get married next year and while I’m really happy for him, I’m dreading the idea of having to see my mother again.

Our mom ticks all the malignant narcissistic personality disorder boxes: Emotionally immature and dysregulated, lacks empathy, disrespectful of boundaries, etc.

I suffered horrendously growing up, but I was able to get away in my 30′s by leaving the country.

My siblings have suffered in various ways, too. Our experiences growing up have meant that we are not close. This is partly because our mother has bad-mouthed us to each other over the decades.

I’ve started to heal by going to therapy and doing research into the disorder.

I’m so tempted to just not go to my brother’s wedding, but I also feel as if this isn’t right, either.

My siblings and I have never spoken about this. I don’t think they know that she is mentally ill.

I’m scared my mother will create drama and blame me while victimizing herself. It’s what she’s always done.

I’m losing sleep over it and the wedding invites haven’t even been sent out yet.

What should I do?

– Fed Up

Dear Fed Up: You should work with your therapist to assess your own risk if you attend this wedding. Children raised by “borderline” parents or those who have NPD are always on high alert. The extreme instability and genuinely frightening experiences of childhood can affect all of your other relationships.

My own advice is to work on your own boundaries and – most important – build in an “escape hatch” to any encounter with your mother.

This wedding is not the place to try to educate your siblings about your mother’s suspected disorder.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.