Dear Amy: A few close co-workers (including me) recently attended a destination wedding of a colleague and friend.

Our department leader was also invited and attended.

Everything went well and a nice time was had by all.

Fast-forward to today, and our department leader now wants to have quarterly get-togethers for the group that attended the wedding.

I have hesitations about this for a few reasons. First, if word gets out about this exclusive outing, others on the team will feel like we’re getting preferential treatment (which I definitely understand). Second, while the leader said anyone is welcome to come, I feel like this will seem more like an obligation outside of work that you can’t say no to.

My colleagues and I are unsure how to bring these concerns up without causing hurt feelings.

What should we do?

— Troubled Team

Dear Troubled: You have valid concerns about these outings.

I agree that gathering some members of the team for scheduled outings is not a good idea, and “anyone is welcome to come” is quite different from “all team members are invited and included.”

You might assume that this idea grew out of that unique sort of post-party glow when the hangover fades but the good feelings linger, and that given some time to consider the professional ramifications in terms of team morale, your fearless leader might reconsider this idea and let it quietly go away.

I’m not sure how it would cause “hurt feelings” for you and other team members to react to this idea by bringing up the professional challenges it might cause, as well as the unexpressed pressure that is exerted when a “boss” plans team outings. Are these gatherings compulsory? Will people who can’t attend because of other obligations (or because they don’t want to) miss out on intangibles important to professional success?

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.