Dear Amy: I have been with my fiancé for 25 years. We’ve lived together for all of that time.

I opened my door to his kids and thought we were all family, but I found out that’s not the case.

My fiancé’s grandson died suddenly, and in the death notice his deceased wife was mentioned (as it should be) and all the aunts’ husbands were also mentioned, but nowhere was I mentioned as a loving partner to my fiancé.

This was no oversight, nor have his children supported my concern about it.

I have since closed my door to them.

I regularly see in death notices that partners are kindly mentioned.

Am I wrong to be so hurt?

– Wounded

Dear Wounded: You are not wrong to be hurt by this. I imagine that you feel you have been deleted from the family fold.

I urge you, however, to consider your reaction to this slight.

You have made your stand during a tragic time in this family’s life.

Please keep in mind that one of your fiance’s children has lost a child. A child.

You don’t know who composed the death notice, and under what circumstances.

Ideally, after noticing the slight, you would have held onto your immediate hurt reaction until the dust had settled somewhat, and then talked to your fiancé, who absolutely should have expressed his disappointment over this exclusion.

You don’t note why you have remained a fiancée for such a long time. I wonder what role, if any, your partner’s children might have in possibly pressuring your partner not to remarry. If that’s the case, then your status in this family has been revealed in a particularly painful way.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.