Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for three years. We have been planning to have a child within the next couple of years.

My problem is that it seems like every time we have a serious argument, he threatens to leave me. Sometimes he does leave the house for a couple of hours, and when he comes back he is calm and apologizes for leaving.

We don’t actually fight that often, but this is how he always seems to end the argument – either by threatening to leave, or by leaving. Sometimes when he is upset he says, “Why don’t we just get divorced?” and I find that very upsetting. Sometimes I lie awake in bed, worrying about our relationship.

I really do love him, and when things are good, they’re great. I’m just not sure how to respond to this.

Your take?

– Worried

Dear Worried: My first piece of advice is to not have a child until you and your husband find ways to resolve your differences without threats of divorce.

This is the nuclear option, and this threat will have a cumulative and very negative effect on your marriage.

Resolving arguments peacefully and learning how to “fight fair” is a vital skill in marriage.

Your husband might be bringing in tactics or techniques he witnessed in his own childhood. When he fights this way, he is really revealing how scared and wounded he is.

You two would benefit from professional counseling. Committing to working on this together would be a huge and positive step for him.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.