Dear Amy: I am getting married in about six months. I’m the bride and have been excited to plan the wedding. I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time.

The problem I’m having is with my bridesmaids. I have six attendants. Only one of them (my sister) lives locally because I chose women from throughout various periods of my life.

I have envisioned spending a really fun Saturday dress shopping with my mother and bridesmaids, drinking champagne and trying on dresses, and I’ve been trying to coordinate this, but none of them seem able or willing to come to town to do this (two of them have family here).

I’m so disappointed and I’m unsure if I have chosen the wrong people to stand up with me.

What should I do? Should I find different attendants?

– Upset

Dear Upset: Keep the attendants, ditch the expectations.

It seems that many marrying couples are developing their ideas about what weddings should be like from reality shows, where the couples sometimes have unlimited budgets and the attendants are basically cast members.

In real life, people have work and other obligations; they are financially squeezed and they can’t be expected to fulfill every fantasy you have leading up to and including the wedding.

And bridesmaids, especially, seem to be stretched very thin, as they are expected to host showers, fly to Vegas for bachelorette weekends, purchase expensive dresses they’ll never wear again, pay for special hair and makeup sessions, and be props for perfect wedding photos.

Give these women a break, please!

Your wedding dress shopping excursion should include you, your mother, and your sister. Think about how much farther that bottle of champagne will go with just the three of you!

Settle down. Reframe your expectations. Your wedding day will be more memorable if everyone around you is feeling joyful and excited, versus exhausted and broke.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.